Who says drugs are bad for you?

It was always such a struggle,
For public figures to hide private matters,
Rumours were a sure sign of trouble,
And allegations would leave careers in tatters.

So perhaps it's somewhat of an anomaly,
That Cameron's Tories fly ahead in the polls,
Perhaps it's a strange triumph of personality,
Or Blair-fatigue taking its toll.

For it's all out in the open - what Cameron was smoking,
During those years that time forgot,
For Portiollo it was men, for John Reid it was Stalin,
But deviant Dave got his kicks from pot.

Despite Telegraph beratings, dope boosted his poll ratings,
He's now a cool thirteen points ahead,
Like with Pete Doherty, it's all good publicity,
Perhaps he should have tried smack instead.

And it's not just Britain, nor is it just weed.
Look to the States at the same pattern is seen,
Senator Barack Obama, shrugs off cocaine drama,
Powder to the people indeed.

What next? Menzies on crack? Osbourne on smack?
God knows what Gordon Brown'll do.
But whatever will be, the lesson is clear to see -
Whoever said drugs are bad for you?

A poem for Tony

Tony - Could I have a word before you go?

There's a few things that I'd like to know,

No, don't be aghast - it's a pretty small task,

Compared to Iraq, it's a stroll in the park,

It's just a few questions I'd like to ask.

Tony - you always used to say,
That sleaze was the Tory way,
And I always believed, that you'd never deceive,
So could you explain please - without legalese,
Why all your advisors are being quizzed by police?

Tony - if you could just drop me a line,
It'll only take a minute of your time,
Because I'm going spare; I'm pulling at my hair,
Tony, it hardly seems fair, that Gordon should despair,
While a slick-new Tory says he's your heir.

And Tony, what about twenty-four hour drinking?
And super casinos - just what were you thinking?
I know it'll be tricky to get together,
So perhaps you could pen me a letter,
And tell me, was this what you meant by 'things can only get better?'